The Portal Hub Humor Thread

All things not relating to the other forums.
SteenJosh
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue Jan 02, 2018 8:16 am
Location: Tampa, Florida

The Portal Hub Humor Thread

Post by SteenJosh »

Hi, everyone! I've created this thread for us to share a few full-hearted laughs, something to lighten up the day when the going gets rough or you just needed something to pick you up from a gloomy day. Let me start this up with a few shorts:

This new thesaurus I bought is the worst..

Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.
Offroad Rider and Photographer at Petstreetmall.
SteenJosh
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue Jan 02, 2018 8:16 am
Location: Tampa, Florida

Re: The Portal Hub Humor Thread

Post by SteenJosh »

Scientists finally found out, how much sleep humans exactly need..

...just five more minutes.
Offroad Rider and Photographer at Petstreetmall.
undysworld
Norway
Posts: 1776
Joined: Fri Apr 16, 2004 8:08 am
Location: Blue Mounds, WI

Re: The Portal Hub Humor Thread

Post by undysworld »

What's the difference between a Greyhound Bus depot and a lobster with a boob-job?
One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean.
It is better to go skiing and think of God, than go to church and think of sport. Fridjof Nansen
I hope to die in my ski boots... ...just not today. Me
undysworld
Norway
Posts: 1776
Joined: Fri Apr 16, 2004 8:08 am
Location: Blue Mounds, WI

Re: The Portal Hub Humor Thread

Post by undysworld »

What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A leech lets go when you die.
It is better to go skiing and think of God, than go to church and think of sport. Fridjof Nansen
I hope to die in my ski boots... ...just not today. Me
SteenJosh
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue Jan 02, 2018 8:16 am
Location: Tampa, Florida

Re: The Portal Hub Humor Thread

Post by SteenJosh »

undysworld wrote:What's the difference between a Greyhound Bus depot and a lobster with a boob-job?
One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean.
Hahaha! That definitely made my day.
Offroad Rider and Photographer at Petstreetmall.
SteenJosh
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue Jan 02, 2018 8:16 am
Location: Tampa, Florida

Re: The Portal Hub Humor Thread

Post by SteenJosh »

Why can communists only drink herbal tea?

Because proper tea is theft.
Offroad Rider and Photographer at Petstreetmall.
SteenJosh
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue Jan 02, 2018 8:16 am
Location: Tampa, Florida

Re: The Portal Hub Humor Thread

Post by SteenJosh »

3 drunk guys entered a taxi..

The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination."

The 1st guy gave him money and the 2nd guy said: "Thank you!"

The 3rd slapped the driver.

The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked, "What was that for?"

The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"
Offroad Rider and Photographer at Petstreetmall.
User avatar
Jimm391730
United States of America
Posts: 1456
Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2004 10:58 pm
Location: Idyllwild, CA

Re: The Portal Hub Humor Thread

Post by Jimm391730 »

A heavyset lady boarded a bus with a duck under her arm. A drunk at the back of the bus yelled out "Hey, where'd you get the pig?" She said "I'll have you know that this is a duck." And he replied "I was talking to the duck!"

A termite walked into a bar; said "Where's the bar tender?"

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.
Jim M.
712W and 710M
SteenJosh
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue Jan 02, 2018 8:16 am
Location: Tampa, Florida

Re: The Portal Hub Humor Thread

Post by SteenJosh »

What do you call 2 monkeys that share an Amazon account?

Prime mates.
Offroad Rider and Photographer at Petstreetmall.
SteenJosh
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue Jan 02, 2018 8:16 am
Location: Tampa, Florida

Re: The Portal Hub Humor Thread

Post by SteenJosh »

With the rise of self-driving vehicles..

We shall soon hear a country song about a guy's truck leaving him too.
Offroad Rider and Photographer at Petstreetmall.
SteenJosh
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue Jan 02, 2018 8:16 am
Location: Tampa, Florida

Re: The Portal Hub Humor Thread

Post by SteenJosh »

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Disney collection..

Except for Up, he’s never gonna give you Up.
Offroad Rider and Photographer at Petstreetmall.
SteenJosh
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue Jan 02, 2018 8:16 am
Location: Tampa, Florida

Re: The Portal Hub Humor Thread

Post by SteenJosh »

Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you, and be glad that you are alive?

I did and apparently will not be allowed on this airline again..
Offroad Rider and Photographer at Petstreetmall.
undysworld
Norway
Posts: 1776
Joined: Fri Apr 16, 2004 8:08 am
Location: Blue Mounds, WI

Re: The Portal Hub Humor Thread

Post by undysworld »

I don't know how to do this any other way. Check out this guy's story. Best way to get out of a speeding ticket. Not really a joke, but it's really funny!!
https://www.facebook.com/drivetribe/vid ... =2&theater
It is better to go skiing and think of God, than go to church and think of sport. Fridjof Nansen
I hope to die in my ski boots... ...just not today. Me
User avatar
Hotzenplotz
Austria
Posts: 371
Joined: Wed Jan 18, 2012 9:07 am
Location: Vienna, Austria

Re: The Portal Hub Humor Thread

Post by Hotzenplotz »

What rock group has four men who don't sing ?






Mount Rushmore
Cheers
Albert
========================
My Pinz has NEVER been with any army
undysworld
Norway
Posts: 1776
Joined: Fri Apr 16, 2004 8:08 am
Location: Blue Mounds, WI

Re: The Portal Hub Humor Thread

Post by undysworld »

Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One parrot says to the other, "Do you smell something fishy?". :lol: :lol: :lol:

Hint: If you don't get it, ask someone younger than nine.
It is better to go skiing and think of God, than go to church and think of sport. Fridjof Nansen
I hope to die in my ski boots... ...just not today. Me
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